Becoming a surrogate is a beautiful and selfless act, one that can bring immense joy to another family. However, this journey can also be emotionally and logistically challenging, especially when you already have children of your own. As a surrogate, it’s crucial to manage expectations with your current kids to ensure a smooth and loving family dynamic during this extraordinary experience.
When I went through my surrogacy journey, my oldest, who was 7 years old at the time, was adamant that we should keep the baby and have another younger sibling. In this blog post, we’ll discuss some helpful tips for navigating this delicate balance and things that helped us with our child.
1. Open and Honest Communication
The foundation of any healthy family relationship is open and honest communication. Begin by having age-appropriate conversations with your children about surrogacy. Explain what it means, why you want to do it, and what it will entail. Encourage your children to ask questions and express their feelings. Be prepared for a range of emotions and reassure them of your love and commitment to them.
2. Set Realistic Expectations
Help your children understand that surrogacy is a temporary commitment. Explain that while you will be helping another family, your love and dedication to them remain unchanged. Children can sometimes fear abandonment, so it’s essential to reassure them that your surrogacy journey won’t affect your love and support for them.
3. Involve Them in the Process
Depending on their age and maturity, involve your children in the surrogacy process in age-appropriate ways. They can attend doctor’s appointments, help choose baby items, or even write letters or draw pictures for the intended parents and the baby. This involvement can help them feel a sense of connection to the surrogacy journey.
4. Maintain Routine and Stability
Surrogacy can bring changes to your daily routine, but it’s essential to maintain as much stability as possible for your children. Continue with their regular activities, school schedules, and family traditions. This consistency can provide them with a sense of security during the surrogacy journey.
5. Emphasize the Importance of Empathy and Compassion
Use this opportunity to teach your children about empathy and compassion. Explain that your surrogacy is an act of kindness and generosity that can inspire them to be more compassionate individuals. Encourage them to support you in this endeavor and to share in the joy of helping another family.
6. Seek Support
Surrogacy can be emotionally taxing, so don’t hesitate to seek support for yourself and your children. Consider family therapy or support groups where your children can connect with others who are going through similar experiences. Professional guidance can help everyone navigate the emotional challenges effectively.
7. Plan for the Arrival of the Surrogate Baby
As the due date approaches, talk to your children about the upcoming arrival of the surrogate baby. Prepare them for the changes this will bring to the family dynamics. Encourage them to participate in welcoming the new baby into your lives, fostering a sense of inclusion rather than rivalry.
8. Reassure Them of Your Love
Throughout the surrogacy journey, remind your children regularly of your love for them. Reiterate that your decision to be a surrogate does not diminish your love and commitment to your family. Reassurance and affection can go a long way in alleviating any concerns your children may have.
In conclusion, being a surrogate while raising your own children requires a delicate balance of love, communication, and understanding. By openly discussing surrogacy, involving your children in the process, and maintaining stability in their lives, you can help them embrace this unique journey with you. With the right support and reassurance, your children can witness the power of compassion and empathy, ultimately growing from this experience as compassionate and loving individuals.
If you want to talk to someone about whether surrogacy is the right decision for you, our team at Stork Baby would be happy to answer any questions you have.
